See You Jimmy

So they are all back at work in the House of Commons now. Smelling nicely of their new gift pack Lynx aftershaves and sporting new Christmas present ties given to them by grateful party workers that are colour co-ordinated to reflect what side of the house they represent. Blue for the Tories, red for Labour etc.

“Did you have a good Christmas?” asks one bloated lazy MP of another.

“Oh yes, you know, quiet” replies the other as they take their seats, get comfy and settle down for a snooze…

You’re telling me buddy. The “Meaningless Vote” on Brexit was deferred in December for some reason, and would appear to have been rescheduled for next Tuesday (15th). The delay was completely pointless. Nothing changed, nothing was done, and the result will inevitably be the same. We are under eighty days from committing national suicide and our voted representatives have done very little to prevent it.

And after the Government fails to get the required majority in the vote, the likely outcome will be a vote of no confidence and a general election. At least Theresa will then be able to walk away from the shitstorm she inherited.

Personally it will leave me in something of a dilemma. Since my early twenties I have always voted for the Tory party, but look at them now. For the most part a bunch of useless, posturing, moronic, selfish twats who are prepared to sacrifice the whole country and the future of our children for the sake of their own personal political advancement. Imagine the likelihood of Boris, Gove and Moggy with the keys to number 10. It’s positively frightening.

So Labour then is it? A party that is so out of touch and with a leader who brings new meaning to the words inept and useless, and still so irrelevant that they still languish second in the NOP polls to the Tories despite the utter mess they’ve created. They have no alternative plan to Brexit, no feasible policies, and an economic plan that takes Venezuela as a role model. Just a bunch of failed Marxists that would hand control of the country over to the unions, just like they always have. And if that wasn’t enough, two words that send shivers of terror through the very core of every sensible citizen – Diane Abbott. You know, the woman who thought it would cost £300,000 to employ 10,000 extra police on the streets of London. That’s £30 per head. She could feasibly end up as Chancellor or Deputy PM. Just think about that.

There was a time you could vote for the Liberal Democrats, but that would now be an entire waste of a vote. Cleggy has buggered off to work for Facebook having single-handedly brought his party to its knees. Poor old Vince Cable is a decent and honourable chap, but he is now about a hundred-and-thirty-twelve years old now and dribbles. The party membership has dwindled to such an extent that they may as well hold their next conference in a room over a pub in Maidstone. Completely irrelevant.

UKIP then? They were causing a bit of a stir a few years ago. But not anymore, Nigel is a small step from being sectioned, and all their core voters have retired to Spain where they read their Daily Fail, and complain that the immigrants in the UK don’t integrate, learn the language or make any contribution to society. Which is all a bit ironic.

The Greens are gaining a bit of a following, but as far as I’m concerned voting for them is a bit like having a tattoo or holidaying in a caravan. I just wouldn’t do it. A bunch of swampy, vegan, tree-hugging delusionists. Caroline Lucas is a nice lady, but you only have to look at what a mess they have made of Brighton to foresee the havoc they would wreak if they ran the country.

So who else? There is talk of a new centrist party being formed, potentially with Tony Blair at the helm. Yes, that Tony Blair. The one who took it up the ar*e from the Americans, lied to us about WMDs and explained that God came to him in his prayers and told him to bomb Iraq, taking us into a war that we would never really win and cause irreparable damage to international relations. Oh do f*ck off, Tone.

But there is hope. There is a party that cares passionately about the wellbeing of its country’s population, whilst still appreciating the importance of maintaining a balanced view on international matters and remaining in the EU. They have a leader who speaks articulately and intelligently with the national interest foremost in her mind, and no personal agenda. Alright, she may look like one of the Krankies, but she is impressive. I’m talking of Nicola Sturgeon and the SNP of course, and I never thought I’d ever say this, but, you know what, right now I wish I was Scottish.